Losing Control

Has everything ever moved so fast around you slowing down was never an option? Having everything in perspective was never an concern as it was a requirement, having everything set in place and prearranged, was nothing more then habit, and the circumference around you was never big enough for you not to look out of. Knowing, everything revolved around the power of your own words and knowing every thing that changed was at a velocity dawdling enough for you to grasp with out a grapple, and make the best from everything. A feeling you’re not too far away and you are the only person in control of your destiny and in control of everything around, to know what it is to call yourself intuitive.

Have you ever had to eradicate yourself out of reality and apprehend you’re not in control of the things that matter most? Everything you had worked for and everything that was in the palm of your hands is now improbable, and the circumference that never seemed to matter is the only sector your living your life through. I’ve always said I’d hit the ground running, however never anticipated I’d have to hit the ground because I knew where I had been and where I was going. Then to depend on people you never wanted to hold your hand. What a clout to the face to realize a lesson learned at such an age of endurance.

My reality was building an empire so high and secluded from anything that could make me fall. I built myself around dreams I wanted to make reality and it a moment of time I had my life in the palm of my hands and an illness came and swept me dry of everything I had going for myself. I let myself fall, drown, bleed and permitted myself to hate everything because I realized I fell short of the things that mattered the most.

My life was so perfect I was able to act like anything I wanted just to escape my work. Being untroubled, blithe and acting a fool was a laugh I needed to give myself because my mind was beyond obsessive by everything I wanted to be and revolutionize. I would see projects everywhere I went I couldn’t leave the house with out a pen and paper because my mind worked a million miles an hour and slowing down was never an option. And declining from my own magnitude and being able to escape my own mind at times would take me into a place I loved being. I was uninhibited, unperturbed, I would do what ever I wanted to do and never cared what people thought because I knew myself that well to know I had boundaries even though I didn’t want people to know. However those who knew me knew I had a bogus front, that I had an escape, and my life was so controlled by structure seeing a venture was only to clear my mind up and flee from my consumption. None the most,, I looked forward to those days I didn’t care because my life gradually started desecrating from my path and because for the first time I wasn’t in command.