Until Tomorrow

Clock strikes one minute exactly passed 11, and the count down begins just less than an hour and yesterday is gone and Monday June 14, begins. I’m sitting here on the bed watching him as he prepares his (oh dear I just got stopped), he wanted to see what I was blogging about so I showed him what I started. An eye brow raised as one eye got smaller than the other, needless to say I knew what was coming with that familiar glare. I tried to close the lap top and SHEW him away but… “what else do you blog about” serious, okay first off you have never paid interest to anything I write when I’m in a zone mood but today tonight you decide. Glad that’s over with, now to get back with only 48 minutes left until Monday he now steams the room with the shower. I hate the way they designed this house, well.. When it comes to the shower, first off who on earth would run carpet inside the bathroom of the master room? This arch like entrance that is supposed to divide the room from the bathroom, serious I can see everything from here, well not all a bad thing I guess. But, the deep question is, why do I blog? I guess so I can daydream about things that matter to me, so I can live in that moment in case I’m not here to see it, I suppose. I also suppose I like to blog and drift into a fantasy where I can see the future and write it out in any way I want. Plus, it’s my secret way of adding my abstracted poetry. I came back from tucking my little one in, we’ll see how long little JJ will stay. Days like these when it’s only her reminds me that one day Anthony will grow up and be gone, just like now. But I shall enjoy this time while they’re little and think I’m the best thing since sliced bread. But I wonder where they’ll go..

One day tomorrow,
she will be loved.

She’ll know what it’s like
to feel butterflies
when he holds her hand for the first time with her,,
palms sweaty,
her heart fluttering,
all those wild feelings
riding in her chest
like a secret she finally gets to keep.
And she’ll feel safe.
She’ll feel so loved.

Right now,
she’s still small enough to sit on my lap.
And in her eyes,
I am the world.
The crazy part is
I don’t know how to live without her.

But one day,
I’ll teach her to live without me.
I’ll teach her to love herself,
to never change,
to laugh loud at the things
no one else understands.

One day,
she’ll take his name.
And I’ll love him, too
because heaven will send her
an angel just for her.
In case I’m not here to love her,
he always will.

One day after tomorrow,
she’ll realize just how deeply
I have always loved her
even when she’s no longer mine,
even when she’s holding her own little one
with those same eyes that look like mine,
but softened in her favorite shade of turquoise,
touched with a bit of algae green.
And maybe, just maybe,
she’ll think of the silly Mommy that raised her.

One day after tomorrow...
please
let me see it all.